The Funny And Serious Blog

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"

"Doctor, I seem to get heartburn whenever I eat birthday cake."
"Have you tried removing the candles first?"
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My husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that would match the color of his eyes. Does anyone know where I can buy a bloodshot tie?
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It will be my wife's birthday tomorrow. When I asked her what she wanted, she said something with diamonds would be nice. I've bought her a packet of playing cards.
Remember, growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional

What is special about the Christmas alphabet?
It has NO EL.
What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itus!
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
He likes to ho-ho-ho.
How does Santa Claus take photos?
With his North Pole-aroid.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.
Why are Christmas trees like people who can't knit?
They both drop their needles!
Which reindeer needs to mind his manners the most?
"Rude"olph!
What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas?
Sandy Claus!
What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you!
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas?
No, you can have turkey like everyone else!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
He had no body to go with!
Why did the little boy push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood. He doesn't want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. The blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home-cooked dinner. Afterwards they go to the living room to watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and immerses himself for immediate relief. The blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his Johnson in the milk and exclaims, "So that's how you guys load those things!"