Priesthood vs. Fatherhood

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said. "I am a
Father." The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like
hat." The priest looked up from his book and answered. "I am the Father
of many." The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two
grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way! The priest,
getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to
reading his book. The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then
leaned over and said."Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants
backwards instead of your collar."
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# Posté le dimanche 16 mars 2008 19:59

The Flight Attendant

>My flight was being served by an obviously gay flightattendant whoseemed to
>put everyone in a good mood as he served usfood and drinks.As the plane
>prepared to descend, he came swishingdown the aisle andtold us that
>"Captain Marvey has asked me to announcethat he'll be landingthe big scary
>plane shortly, so lovely people, if youcould just put yourtrays up, that
>would be super."On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed thiswell-dressed
>and rather Arabic looking woman hadn'tmoved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't
>hear me over thosebig brute engines, but I asked you to raise
>yourtrazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on theground." She calmly
>turned her head and said, "In mycountry, I am called a Princess, and I take
>ordersfrom no one." To which (I swear) the flight attendantreplied, without
>missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks,in my country I'm called a Queen, so I
>outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."
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# Posté le dimanche 16 mars 2008 19:53

Holy Prostitutes

> >Holy Prostitutes
> >
> >A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign
> >out of the corner of his eyelet reads:
> >
> >SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> >HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> >10 MILES
> >
> >He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second
> >Thought....
> >
> >Soon he sees another sign which reads:
> >
> >SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> >HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> >5 MILES
> >
> >Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past
> >a third sign saying:
> >
> >
> >SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> >HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> >NEXT RIGHT
> >
> >
> >
> >His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far
> >side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the
> >door
> >reading:
> >
> >SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> >
> >He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
> >long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
> >
> >He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
> >possibly doing business....'
> >
> >'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
> >passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and
> >tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
> >
> >He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
> >door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through
> >the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
> >
> >
> >He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
> >door pulling it shut behind him.
> >
> >The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another
> >
> > sign:
> > GO IN PEACE.
> >YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCRE* WED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU
> >RIGHT, YOU SINNER
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# Posté le dimanche 16 mars 2008 19:48

The Recipe

A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.
"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."
"What do you mean?" Jim asked.
"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow 4 inches! You should try it."

Jim agrees and the two say good bye.
A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how his situation was.

Jim replied, "I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten
smaller! I lost two inches already!"

"Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?"

"Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco."


Wait for it ..........






Wait ............





"Crisco!!?" Bob exclaimed. "Damm it Jim, Crisco is shortening!


MORAL: You gotta follow the recipe!!!
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# Posté le dimanche 16 mars 2008 19:46

The power of 57 cents

A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was "too crowded."

"I can't go to Sunday School," she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.

As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.


Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: "This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School."

For two years she had saved for this offering of love

When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion

He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building.

But the story does not end there...

A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands.

When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents.

Church members made large donations Checks came from far and wide.
Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church , with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple University , where thousands of students are educated.

Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time.

In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell, author of the book, "Acres of Diamonds".

This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.

Please send this back. (You'll see why.)


St. Theresa Prayer (cannot be deleted)

REMEMBER to make a wish before you read the prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is a powerful novena.


Just send this to four people and let me know what happens on the fourth day....

Do not break this, please. Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of reward.


(This is true)
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# Posté le dimanche 16 mars 2008 19:28