The Funny And Serious Blog

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is
asked
by
the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at
the
birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?"
asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I`m not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman,
"You
have
a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you
see
her
that the baby is BLACK."
"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with
no
money
and
nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film.
The
lead
man was BLACK."
"Oh, I`m very sorry," says the midwife, "that`s really
none
of
my
business
and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward
questions
but I must also tell you that the baby has BLONDE hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see, the co-star in
the
movie
was this SWEDISH guy."
"Oh, I`m sorry," the midwife repeats, "that`s really none of
my
business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also
has
SLANTED EYES."
"Yes," continues the girl, "there was also a little CHINESE
man
in
the
movie, I really had no choice."
At this, the
midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and
presents
her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a
slap
on
the butt.
The baby starts CRYING and the mother exclaims, "Thank god
for
that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had
this
horrible
feeling
that she was going to BARK."

A Skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound testicles, Turner Brown." The white man faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says: "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"

The big dude says: "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me . . . I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my testicles weighs 3 pounds each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The small guy says: "Turner Brown?! . . . Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, "Turn around!"

>Three pastors in a certain
>denomination - an American, Chinese and a Jamaican - were having some
>difficulty making a decision regarding their Sunday church offering;
>specifically, which portion they should keep as salary, and which
>portion should go to the Lord. The American said, "Whenever I
>collect the offering and the service is through, after church I put the
>money in a box- go outside- take a stick and draw a line on the floor and
>throw the money in the air. Whatever falls on the right is for the Lord
>and whatever falls on the left is mine." The Chinese said, "I
>put money in box, I dont draw line - I draw circle! I stand in center,
>throw box wit money in air- whatever fall on outside is mine and what
>fall inside is for Lord." The Jamaican then replied "Mi naw draw a
>circle, mi naw draw a line. All I do is put de money inna a box and
>fling it inna de air....whateva de Lawd want, him betta grab it fast
>cause what drop on de groung a fi mi!!

This is the best>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> A hungry man walked into a Kentucky
Fried Chicken restaurant in>>Jamaica and 'passed out' on the
floor. People gathered around to help him by fanning and
doing everything they could to help him regain
consciousness.Someone peeled an orange and started
squeezing the juice into>>his mouth,whereupon the man suddenly came
back to life, pushed the>>person away and yelled, 'Look yah man!
If mi did want orange, me woulda fall down in de market.'

>I ran into astranger as he passed by, 'Ohexcuse me please' was
>my reply. He said,'Please excuse me too; I wasn't watching for you.' We
>were very polite, thisstranger and I. We went on our way and we
>saidgoodbye. But at home a different story istold, How we treat our loved
>ones,young and old. Later that day, cooking theevening meal, My son stood
>beside me verystill. When I turned, I nearly knockedhim down. 'Move out of
>the way,'I said with a frown.. He walked away, his little heartbroken. I
>didn't realize how harshly I'dspoken. While I lay awake in bed, God's still
>small voice came tome and said, 'While dealing with astranger, common
>courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse. Go and look
>on the kitchen floor,You'll find some flowers there bythe door. Those are
>the flowers he broughtfor you. He picked them himself: pink,yellow and
>blue. He stood very quietly not tospoil the surprise, you never saw the
>tears thatfilled his little eyes.' By this time, I felt very small, And now
>my tears began to fall. I quietly went and knelt by hisbed; 'Wake up,
>little one, wakeup,' I said. 'Are these the flowers youpicked for me?' He
>smiled, 'I found 'em, outby the tree. I picked 'em because they'repretty
>like you. I knew you'd like 'em, especiallythe blue..' I said, 'Son, I'm
>very sorryfor the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at youthat
>way.' He said, 'Oh, Mom, that'sokay. I love you anyway.' I said, 'Son, I
>love youtoo, and I do like the flowers,especially the blue..' FAMILY Are
>you aware that if we diedtomorrow, the company that we are working for
>could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind
>will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we
>pourourselves more into work than into our ownfamily, an unwise investment
>indeed, don't you think? So what is behind the story? Do you know what the
>word FAMILYmeans? FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER(I) (L)OVE (Y)OU Pass
>this message to 7 peopleexcept you and me . You will receive a miracle
>tomorrow Don't ignore and God will bless you